Boys will be Boys
A gal checked her weight – 58 Kg.
Removed Sandal – 56 Kg.
Then Jacket – 53 Kg.
Then Dupatta – 52 Kg.
Then… coins khatam…
A boy in queue behind her said – U carry on.. I’ll put the coins ..:)🙂
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!”As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool.The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed. he millionaire was impressed. He said, “That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain.Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?” The guy catches his breath, then says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the idiot who pushed me in the pool!”
MessageA teacher from Bihar
A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty twodays after actual date of joining.Consequently He was asked for explanationin writing . . .
Here he goes…
“This is my first vijit to Bombai. Ifsmall small mistakes get inside myletter, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, Iwantedto joint your schoolmore fastly, but for the following reajon, too much time lost in gettingslipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. Theclerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. Iput complaint on station master. He said I to go to ladyclerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressedher for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my sun. I hope u will see my whole story and late me firsttime I am now ending this fastly.
May God blast you!”
Sardar’s Reaction to train
A Sardar,who had never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the rail tracks one day, he hears this whistle Whooee da Whoee! — but doesn’t know what it is.Predictably, he’s hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. Fortunately he gets some minor injuries. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a iron rod from the nearby shelf and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, rushes into the kitchen,sees what’s happened and asks the desert man, “Why did you ruin my good tea kettle?” The sardar replies, “Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small.”
Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.He asks one man “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?
Man Replies 12.30.
“When will Punjab Express go from here”?
Man Replies 10.30.
“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?
Man Replies 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks!”
Jugnu Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
“Is this one one one one?”, says the voice.
“No, this is eleven eleven.”
“Are you sure it isn’t one one one one?”
“No, this is eleven eleven.”
“Well, wrong number. I am Harpal calling, sorry to have woken you up on the middle of the night.”
“That’s all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway.”
Jugnu Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”
“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
“But…what happened to your other ear?”
“The scoundrel called back.”
Jugnu: Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can think of…
Harpal: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
Q: Why did the Jugnu Singh take a pair binoculars with him to a funeral?
A: It was a distant relative’s funeral
Jugnu Singh: I was born in the Punjab.
Hapal Singh: Oh really, which part?
Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly.
Jugnu: What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?
Harpal: A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
After numerous rounds of “We don’t even know if Bin Laden is still Alive”,
Osama Bin Laden decided to send George W. a letter in his own hand writing to let him know that he was truly still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
George W couldn’t figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the FBI . No one could solve it so it went to the CIA and then to MIT, then The Secret Service and eventually on to NASA. This list got longer and longer. Even the British MI5 could not solve the problem and Tony Blair had no idea. Eventually, as things got desperate they decided to ask the Indian RAW (Indian Secret Service) for help. Laloo Yadav of RAW took one look at it and replied:
“Tell the President he is holding the message upside Down.”
Where Can you Find
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator…
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
– New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat
One hand on horn, one hand on holding gear, one ear listening to loud music, one ear on cell phone, one foot on accelerator,one foot on clutch, nothing on break,eyes on females in next car,
– Welcome to INDIA!
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: ”Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning,sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast,packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries,paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat’s! litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper,he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy m y wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.” The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.”